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Thursday, October 01, 2020

Letter To My Father

It was your 64th birthday few days back and instead the calendar will yet again turn to the this unfaithful day of October, today it has been 6 years since you left me. Yes, me. Not the world, not everyone else, not your physical self, but me. 

You passed away once in fraction of seconds and I relive those moments year after year. One mistake of an unknown person with no permission to drive the vehicle has proven to be fatal for you and I. Yes, others are upset too, every one is. People came over to express their sadness, they wrote "Rest In Peace" on your facebook profile, and then they vanished, just as suddenly as they appeared.

I re-read our old conversation sometimes like a child reads fairytales. I have cluthched the floor where they last laid you and cried my heart out wishing and hoping that at least that would bring you back. I still think that you are the only one who could help me decide the next step. I can not stop picturing my life with you in it. 

Normal? Yes, very much. I think every child goes through these emotions sooner or later. Who do I complain too? I realized long back that no one on this mighty Earth can bring justice to what we faced as a family, no court of law can bring you back, nor any amount of money will every compensate for you being here with me. 

It's only magic (no other explanation for it) that I do NOT cry as I pen this down today. Your death taught me many lessons which I wouldn't ever imagine. My life is stuck at the lift where I last saw you and waved you bye. From there till date, all I have done is keep myself occupied in as many things as possible to run away from reality. Now, it's time to stop. 

I am honoured to have been born as your daughter, for the lessons you imparted, for the work you have done, and above all for how you kept the family together. Today, I want to use these teaching for the betterment of myself. You didnt bring me in this world to sulk and die, there are many things to be done and a lot more to be achieved, and facing my fate is one of the things which I need to do in order to truly move on and ahead in life.

I am sure these words are not going to reach you but penning it down makes me feel like the message is conveyed and acts as a reminder for myself and the way ahead. I wish things were different, but they are not. I wish you were here, but you are not. Although, it is never going to be okay but now I have learned to survive with it without blaming my faith and stars. Wish you peace, wherever you are as I sign off from my letter to you, probably for the last time. Good bye. 😌

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