You can read this
100 times and still not understand the meaning of these words, "No matter
how old you are, losing your parents is the worst fear and feeling
ever."
It really is
those small things that change when everyone starts referring to someone as
"who is" to "who was" How does a child's heart accept that
the fingers it held on to as the answer to every fear, is not in present and
will always remain in the past.
Every bike with
even a remotely old man with white hair makes the head turn, "Papa!"
And then it is jolted back to the sheer reality of life, "No, it cannot
be" This doesn't repeat once nor twice but every damn time.
That casual
question asked by the interviewer, "So what do your parents do?" I
wonder if "Chilling in the heavens above" is an acceptable answer.
For a kid, it will also be, "He is a journalist but...." always an
"is" and never a "was". It is more difficult to continue
after this "but...." what are you supposed to tell a complete
stranger about the death of your parent? An accident took him away, it was
cancer, or suffering from illness. Is this one sentence enough to justify the
plight of the entire journey of when "being dead" commenced?
Losing a parent
leaves the family without any protection. It sounds exaggerated but it does
feel like the prey is left on open grounds underneath a clear sky to feast on.
People everywhere, some who aren't even acquaintances, start judging every
tear, every step, every word, every piece of cloth, every last right ritual
that is carried. Not bothering to understand the loss felt.
Few seconds of that
last breath is all it takes to permanently distort the family. Regrets?
Many! Can we take correction measures? No. A few scars are permanent and never
meant for healing. They will stay with you as long as you are a part of this
mortal world. There will come a time when you purposefully scratch to tear them
open and begin the cascade of memories which can only ever be replayed in your
mind like an old black white cinema of forgotten times.
Sounds filmy?
Cannot relate to this? --- Just be glad you don’t, because it is the truth, no
matter how old, you are never going to okay or the same person you once were
after parents death.
If you are
reading this, my friend, do not take your parents for granted. Take
responsibilities, be helpful around the house, live with them when you
still can, hold on to the moments of joy, collect the memories, create the life
they imagined, travel with them, and surprise them. Understand that all
it, you must do it. Mostly though, tell them, out loud, that you love them
because there will come a day when you cannot and will not be able to say
it.
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