Hope - A Way of Life.

You have to know this, okay?

People don't run on algorithms, calculations, or instincts. They don't run on complex algebraic formulae, scientific computations, or logical derivations. They run on trust, faith, willpower, and most importantly, hope! Life functions on hope. Once you lose hope, you do not have anything else to live for. If you do not inculcate this into relationships then what are you living for? If humans were meant to function on mathematics, they wouldn't have felt the emotions.

I miss "us" I miss the way we used to be connected. We are stuck; at our work, with our family, in our thoughts, with other commitments, and I do not know what else.

That one hour of unexpected car drive to home which we took last week is everything I have ever dreamt of. Being together, laughing, facing the unexpected, and walking thru it, reaching the destination even if it's late and more importantly being together. I crave for all of this. I need your time and attention. I need us to be with each other thru this life. I would prefer us walking together thru the confusion and emerging on the other side of it, and not facing everything alone.

I want us to last. I don't want to have a couple of amazing years and finish everything in a flash. I don't want to experience the feelings of hurt, confusion, and disappointments. No matter what we run into no matter what we face. I want us to stick together.

I do not know what the future holds for us. I am not an astrologer and neither would I trust the most experienced and proven Nostradamus to predict the future. What I do know is whatever life may throw at us is a cakewalk if both of us are together. I don't know if you have realized this or not but few people get to experience what we do.

When I see our life together, I see us fulfilling all our dreams. Having a happy family, being together, getting through any obstacles which may arise, laughing, singing, talking, dancing, experiencing new stuff, exploring new places, traveling to different countries, building a home, breaking the stereotype, and just proving everyone wrong who have said this is not going to work out (which is the entire world) I know we can do this, I have enough trust and faith in myself and in this relationship that we will reach this height.

The realm of life is always mysterious and there is no way to know what twists and turns we may have to face, all I am saying is if we are together then the first impact of these struggles will reduce. There will be stress, there will be fights, there will be stupidity, there will be doubts, but we can solve this and rise above all.

You have asked me multiple times, "How do you picture our life?" I am someone who believes we can build the life we want. If you want a happy life, we work together towards it irrespective of what the situations are. I also believe we can tweak those situations to suit our needs and requirements. So, the question is, what kind of life can we build together? And I am sure it is will be a damn good one.

Let us root for each other and watch us grow!

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Note: Credit to the first paragraph to the respective writer, all the following paragraphs are built on it.  

The Death Grief

You can read this 100 times and still not understand the meaning of these words, "No matter how old you are, losing your parents is the worst fear and feeling ever." 

It really is those small things that change when everyone starts referring to someone as "who is" to "who was" How does a child's heart accept that the fingers it held on to as the answer to every fear, is not in present and will always remain in the past. 

Every bike with even a remotely old man with white hair makes the head turn, "Papa!" And then it is jolted back to the sheer reality of life, "No, it cannot be" This doesn't repeat once nor twice but every damn time. 

That casual question asked by the interviewer, "So what do your parents do?" I wonder if "Chilling in the heavens above" is an acceptable answer. For a kid, it will also be, "He is a journalist but...." always an "is" and never a "was". It is more difficult to continue after this "but...." what are you supposed to tell a complete stranger about the death of your parent? An accident took him away, it was cancer,  or suffering from illness. Is this one sentence enough to justify the plight of the entire journey of when "being dead" commenced? 

Losing a parent leaves the family without any protection. It sounds exaggerated but it does feel like the prey is left on open grounds underneath a clear sky to feast on. People everywhere, some who aren't even acquaintances, start judging every tear, every step, every word, every piece of cloth, every last right ritual that is carried. Not bothering to understand the loss felt. 

Few seconds of that last breath is all it takes to permanently distort the family. Regrets? Many! Can we take correction measures? No. A few scars are permanent and never meant for healing. They will stay with you as long as you are a part of this mortal world. There will come a time when you purposefully scratch to tear them open and begin the cascade of memories which can only ever be replayed in your mind like an old black white cinema of forgotten times.

Sounds filmy? Cannot relate to this? --- Just be glad you don’t, because it is the truth, no matter how old, you are never going to okay or the same person you once were after parents death.

If you are reading this, my friend, do not take your parents for granted. Take responsibilities, be helpful around the house, live with them when you still can, hold on to the moments of joy, collect the memories, create the life they imagined, travel with them, and surprise them. Understand that all it, you must do it. Mostly though, tell them, out loud, that you love them because there will come a day when you cannot and will not be able to say it.