Friday, September 30, 2016
Life Lesson . . .
Death teaches more than life ever will. Lesson learned or rather still learning. No, you cannot just ask us to move on with life. No, you cannot ask us to forget. No, I am not able to see the good in this situation. No, time is not a good healer. No, you do not understand what we have been through and I certainly wish that you never know the feelings yourself.
My world changed this day, two years back. Changed is an understatement. It came collapsing down like a tumbling block of towers. The world, as I knew, before 30th September, 2014 and the one after. I met my father for the last time. Two years on; my questions are still unanswered, the case has not even made it to first hearing, the killers (I refuse to use any other names) roam free, still get calls asking for him, many recognize me as his daughter, many acquaintances have turned stranger, and I am more (supposedly) wiser than before.
It was sudden. His death. Painful. I have spent a few night curled up on the floor where he last slept, hoping that at least seeing me this way will make him come back. Unreasonable. Unreal. Impossible. The brain knows, the heart will never understand. Time and again, I blamed him; if you would have been here I would never have face these situations alone. I desperately spend time with his pictures asking for signs, any signs at all, to tell me if I am doing the right thing, if I am making the right choice, if he is really watching over me. It is all in vain.
As I write this the lump in my throat, the tears struggling to break out are as real as the words spilling out. I have certainly been doing things which he would have been proud of (or so I hope) getting a better job, blood donation, learning dance, digital marketing lessons, attempt (even if a poor one) at learning new language and well certainly a better (than before) cook.
Why do I write this post today? Wake up. Look around yourself. Find the people you love; might be your mother, your father, your brother, your cousins, your friends, your life partner, your children any and every damm person that you love. Hug them. Hold them for a second and tell them you love them. Trust me. There is no greater regret than this. No matter how much one claims, people are not in our life forever and who are we kidding? Neither are we. Everyone is busy with their so called routine “home-office-home-weekend-home-office-home” Even the weekends force us to make decisions; spend time with friends, spend time with family, spend some time with yourself. Oh! From where oh where do we get so much time? Each (if not more) equally important as other.
Whatever signs you are waiting for – this is it! No, it will not hurt you now or even 1 week from now but an year down the lane or more you will start regretting the decisions you waited too long to take, conversations you avoided, people you let go, things you left unsaid – they will haunt you. The truth is life will throw these huge stones at you which will alter your life forever – marking a before & after. Not necessarily a death. When that happens everything and anything that you have learned so far is life seizes to make sense. Possibility is your life might change for better or the other way around. Life does not come with instructions; you just need to figure out what is important and what is not. Do not take people for granted, nor the things which you enjoy, for one fine day they all will get taken away.
- September 30, 2016